When in Disgrace
by cdkobasiuk
Summary: Remus and Sirius come to an understanding and do a little reading.I call it a Sonnet Drabble.


When in disgrace 

Remus opened the door hesitantly. Creeping into the house as silently as a ghost, maybe more silently. He held his breath.

He had been in a rush to leave this house a week ago. Then he had spent a week trying to hurry back. Now the mix of anticipation and dread was wreaking havoc with his stomach. Remus padded as quietly as he could thru the entrance hall of 12 Grimald Place remembering the scene from a week ago.

" Sirius!" Remus gasped in exasperation. ."I need to get going!"

Sirius stood drunkenly on the staircase blocking Remus's descent. "Aww, come on Mooney." The animagus whined. "Why you in such a rush to leave me all alone in the damn house?"

Remus sighed." I'm not in rush to leave you Sirius. I just have to go. Albus asked me to do this for the Order."

Too bright eyes stared out of a filthy countenance at the Werewolf. "Fine, geddout a here." The disheveled wizard growled as he pushed past Remus to stomp back up the stairs.

Remus turned to watch his childhood friend's retreat and flinched when a bedroom door slammed shut.

Looking up the staircase Remus was wondering where Sirius might be and in what kind of condition, when the door to the kitchen opened and out strode the man in question.

"Well your back! Brilliant timing. The kettle is starting to boil and I was going to lay out the tea things." Sirius announced.

Remus stared at the last Black. Sirius was clean, his hair was combed and his beard was trimmed. His clothing was fairly neat and if Remus's wolfish sense of smell was to be trusted Sirius was sober too.

Sirius just smiled back at his friend. "Well, hurry up then." He chirped brightly as he grasped Remus's hand and led him downstairs to the kitchen.

Lupin sat at the large table and watched as Sirius busied himself setting out the tea. He didn't fail to notice that the wanted man's hands didn't even shake while he poured the tea into their cups.

Taking a large sip of the scalding hot tea Remus watched Sirius over the rim of his cup. Sirius took a sip himself and smiled warmly as he put a few chocolate covered cookies on Remus's plate.

Remus put his cup down carefully and sighed. "Alright. Who are you and what have you done with Sirius Black?"

Sirius's cup was halfway to his mouth when he set it down again. "mm, right." The master of the house swallowed a couple of times as if trying to find the words or even his voice. "Ha, you probably think I'm totally looped right now don't you?" His laugh was without humor. He looked up into Remus's face nervously.

"Actually I know you aren't drunk right now. But given that and your chipper attitude I'm curious to know what your peddling, Padfoot. " Lupin shifted in his seat as he watched the other man blink at him. " You've been clinically depressed for months, wait…. I'm not scolding Sirius " He held up his hand when he saw his oldest friend begin to protest. " I know things are hard for you and given everything if you weren't depressed I would consider you to be insane or not even human."

Sirius smirked at that and shifted in his seat waiting for his friend to finish.

"You do know pretending won't help so tell me what you are playing at." Remus concluded.

"Well, umm" The former Azkaban prisoner began. " I wanted to make it nice for you to be back here. With me. Ya know." Sirius was now watching his fingers pick at the tabletop. " I wanted to apologize for being a prat before ya left. Ya know.Umm.I didn't mean …I didn't want you to …"

Remus reached across the table to take Sirius's hand. " I know you didn't mean to hurt me Padfoot and thank you for apologizing." He smiled encouragingly at the contrite man.

"I get so mad all the time. I'm mad about so much and everything and I can't keep it in and all But I don't want you to think I am mad at you for anything, really. Oh bugger, it was easier and made more sense in my head."

Sirius jumped up suddenly." I know I'll get the book. I'll read it to you then you'll know what I was thinking."

Remus was startled when the animagus dashed out of the kitchen. He decided to drink his tea and see what would happen next. One could never tell with Sirius.

Two cookies and a few moments later Sirius bounded back into the kitchen with a book in his hand. He threw himself into the seat facing Remus and opened the book to a bookmarked page.

"Wait, Padfoot, what are you going to read to me? Asked the former professor.

"I'm gonna read this thing I read which made me realize how important you are to me Mooney. Its some Shakespeare stuff." Hurried Sirius." Now shush."

Remus raised an eyebrow. ' Shakespeare, this is getting surreal.' He thought to himself.

Sirius found his place on the page and took a deep breath and read:

_When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,_

_I all alone beweep my outcast state,_

_And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,_

_And look upon myself, and curse my fate,_

_Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,_

_Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,_

_Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,_

_With what I most enjoy contented least:_

_Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,_

_Haply I think on thee,--and then my state_

_(Like to the lark at break of day arising_

_From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;_

_For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings_

_That then I scorn to change my state with kings'._

Sirius Black finished reading and shut his book. Licking his lips nervously he looked at Remus who was staring down at the tabletop. "Mooney? Say something, please."

Remus Lupin looked up with tears in his eyes. "That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever read to me. Do you know what it means, Padfoot?"

Sirius pulled a face. "I'm not a moron Mooney, I know exactly what it means. It means that my life might suck but having you with me still makes it better than any other blokes life."

Remus stood up beside Sirius's chair and wrapped his arms around the seated man. Remus pressed Sirius's dark head to his cardigan-covered chest. "I love you Padfoot."

Sirius nuzzled the wool-covered man. " I love you too Mooney."

Fin 


End file.
